Behold Your Beauty has moved!

I've upgraded my blog!!! I'm very excited about it and I hope you'll keep reading! From now on, posts will be found at:

http://beholdyourbeauty.wordpress.com

God bless you!

Mary, Our Mother

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA MARY!!!!!!

So today is Mary's birthday. I usually call her Mom, which can be kind of confusing to people at times, but that's who she is! My Mom! She is the love of my life and on the occasion of her birthday, I would just like to talk a little bit about her and what she has done for me, in the hopes that you will come to love her a little bit more. This is my journey of how I came to know Mama Mary as my loving Mom.

As many know, I love Mom a whole lot. It's not much of a secret to those who spend even a little time with me. But the thing is, I didn't always have this devotion to her. In fact, I didn't understand for a while what all the "hype" about Mary in the Catholic Church was.

So one day I asked her to show me.

It was my freshman year of high school and I chose Mary as my confirmation saint. I didn't really know much at the time, but I see now that it was really Mary who chose me. I read different saint stories, but I couldn't see how any of the saints could top the Blessed Virgin. So me being me and wanting the best, of course chose the best and most perfect saint there is!

The summer after my senior year of high school, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend World Youth Day in Madrid. But if that wasn't good enough, our first week of the trip was going to be spent in Fatima and Lourdes! As I prepared to leave for the trip, I realized that I still didn't really get the Marian devotion thing. I didn't get why people from all over the world travel to these Marian apparition sites, why she has such a big place in our Church... I knew in my head how she was the Mother of God and our Mother and I knew she was special, but it just didn't reach my heart. I was missing something.

And so as I left for that trip, I simply asked Mary to show me. It was a simple petition for such a big trip, but exactly what it was supposed to be. Little did I know, but that pilgrimage was only the beginning.

Going to Fatima and Lourdes was truly beautiful. So many things struck me during my time there, but one thing really stands out to me as I look back. I was struck by how people came from all over the world just to come and be with Mama Mary in these two spots. As I saw them do the pilgrimage walk on their knees, pray the Rosary in every language, and process with candles around the shrines, the beauty was impossible to miss. You could see on the faces of all the people in prayer the love of Mary and the love that they in turn had for their Mother. It was so very real and so very powerful. I had never seen Marian devotion in that way, a way of pure love. To me it was a repetitive set of prayers that you're supposed to say, not an exchange of love between Mother and child. However that exchange of love is exactly what I saw on the faces of those pilgrims.

Fast forward to my first semester of freshman year at Franciscan University. As is typical of freshman year of college, I had a night where I was feeling a little bit homesick. I don't remember what brought me there, but for some reason I decided to go sit in my dorm's chapel and ask the Lord to help me. As I told Him I was lonely, I realized in that moment that I really needed a mother. As this thought crossed my mind, I looked up and saw the large image of Our Lady of Guadalupe that we have in our chapel. It hit me - I didn't have to be lonely any longer, for my Mother was truly right there with me.

Second semester of freshman year, I started looking for a household to join. As I took the decision to prayer, the Lord showed me that Mama Mary needed to be the central aspect. Rosa Mystica - after Mary the Mystical Rose - was one I just couldn't pass up. I was drawn by the fragrance and beauty of "the choice delicate perfect flower of God's spiritual creation." Mary is the epitome of beauty and it is that beauty that continues to draw my heart to hers, which ultimately leads us to the Heart of our Lord.

Mom has used my being a part of Rosa Mystica household to continue to draw me closer to her Son. I can't really put words to it, but in this household I have encountered beauty upon beauty. I see it in the witness of my household sisters, our covenant, the sisterhood we share... Time and time again I am drawn to the beauty of Our Lady. Oftentimes it brings me to tears because beauty in its truest form touches the heart deeply. But there is no other response to an encounter with true beauty, besides love. And who is Love? Our Lord. Our Lady draws us through her beauty, but it is only to bring us into the Love that is her Son.

I have been a teacher for a program called Totus Tuus for the past two summers, and there is really something to that hard to pronounce Latin phrase. Totus Tuus Maria means "totally yours, Mary." What this is saying is that I am giving my entire self over to Mary so that she will in turn bring me to her Son. This was our goal during the Totus Tuus program, to bring the children to Jesus through His Mother, and it should be the goal of every one of us. Jesus came to us through His Mother, Mary, and in turn we come to Jesus in that same way. Through Mama Mary!

This is just a little bit of the journey that I have had in coming to know and love the Blessed Virgin Mary as my own Mother. The more beauty and love she shows me, the more love I have for Jesus and Mary.

The journey is nowhere near over, but one thing is sure. When we draw near to Our Lady - for whatever the reason - we encounter our Mother, we encounter beauty, and most importantly we encounter the only One who can satisfy our souls - our Lord Jesus Christ.

Totus Tuus Maria! :)

Unconditional Love

We call priests Father.
Why?
Spiritual fatherhood. This means that priests can truly show us what being loved by God the Father actually means. It's a real thing.

I think as Catholics, we hear this all the time, but when we truly encounter what it means, it is a beautiful thing. And today, I am so grateful to be able to say that I had such an encounter.

Confession is one of those things that I personally love, but is also really difficult for me. It is SO hard to go in there and confess that I am less than perfect. I get so nervous when I'm in line, I drag my feet, and sometimes (usually when I most need to go) I straight up dread it. But being forgiven of my sins and the peace that comes from that reconciliation with the Lord is ALWAYS worth it.

Today I knew it was time to go to Confession, so I dragged myself into the chapel and asked the Lord to help me make a good confession. But what I didn't realize as I walked into the chapel was that the Lord was about to show me in a very real way that priests truly are spiritual fathers and through them we can tangibly see the love of God the Father.

As I stood in line waiting for my turn, it hit me that I had never completed my penance from the last time I had been to Reconciliation. I remembered it had been a very difficult one - involving initiating a tough and humbling conversation with someone I had hurt - and I realized quickly that I had been avoiding it since it was a really tough one. I figured I would have to reluctantly tell Father when I got into the confessional - dreading the whole topic - because I figured the penance would have to be even harder now that I had avoided it out of fear.

But the thing is, when I walked into the confessional, I was greeted by a merciful and loving Father and not the stern and disappointed one that I had anticipated. I timidly told him how I hadn't completed my penance from last time, and after asking me some questions to understand the situation better he changed my penance from last time, as well as gave me my penance for this time.

What mercy. As any loving father would, he noticed that what had been asked of me previously had been too much for me. And out of mercy he gave me another chance. Fathers don't like to see their beloved children fail. I had failed in what had been asked of me, and he had mercy on me for that.

As I think and reflect on this exchange, all I can see is the love of God the Father. Our hearts are longing for this unconditional love that is available to each and every one of us.
Our Father provides for us. Our Father loves for us. Our Father forgives us.

Mary, Mother of All Priests, Pray for us!

More Than a Chocolate Bar Happiness...

Joy.

For some reason lately, it's been on my heart. It's come up in conversations, I've reflected on it, and I think there's something to that... so I'd like to share some of that with you.

Joy is what our hearts are longing for. I don't mean happiness, because happiness and joy are not the same thing. Obviously, we want to be happy. But I would argue that ultimately it's not happiness we're after; it's joy.

A lot of times happiness and joy are grouped together as the same thing, but that's not the case. The easiest way to understand it - joy is lasting and happiness is fleeting. For example, my friendships that are rooted in Christ bring me joy, whereas a chocolate bar brings me happiness. When I go after what I want I have happiness for a short time, but when I go after what the Lord wants for me I have joy that lasts for a long time. The joy of the Lord goes so much beyond the happiness of chocolate. See the difference?

But here's the thing. Joy makes all the difference. Joy comes from the Lord. He created us for joy, and so naturally, when we do what He has planned for us, when we follow in His steps, when we empty ourselves to be filled with Him, we will find the joy that we seek.

This is something I discovered in a huge way this past summer. I encountered a deeper joy this summer than I had ever experienced before. I spent it as a Totus Tuus teacher. This means that I traveled around to different parishes all summer with a team of 2 seminarians and 2 other college students and witnessed to the faith to 1st through 12th graders. It was hard work, but the burden was light. And that my friends, is because I was completely filled with joy. Filled to the point of overflowing. I have not experienced a joy like that before, and I am not able to put into words how it felt to have the joy of the Lord radiating from my soul. I say this not to be prideful, but because that is the closest I can come to explaining what it felt like.

But the thing is, in the eyes of the world it doesn't make any sense that I would encounter such a deep joy doing what I did. I emptied myself this summer. It was truly hard and draining work to always be on, teach little children, meet families, and witness to teenagers every evening. I was so tired but had to keep going. By the end, I had nothing left. I was empty. But this is where the Lord is able to work. Since I was empty, the Lord was able to fill that empty space with Himself - with pure joy. I was no longer in the way of His work. That joy carried me. The joy came in various ways (especially through my teammates and their own radiating joy), but it was ultimately from the Lord. This is not to say that I didn't have my difficult moments and my selfish moments of failure - because believe me, I am weak and failed all the time - but in the end, the Lord carried me and I had everything I needed to accomplish His work.

The Lord called me to Totus Tuus this past summer, to the specific team I was on, to the specific crosses He wanted me to carry, and to that specific place. I said yes to that call and accepted what came. By allowing the Lord to empty me and fill me with Himself (surrendering imperfectly of course, because I truly am very weak), I was given a glimpse of the joy that comes from the Lord. And it's lasting.

But this joy - this joy I tasted this summer - is what each and every one of our hearts are created for and long for. And in the end, this joy only comes from the Lord because it is a gift that He gives us. It's not something we can buy or earn or steal, and not even something we deserve. It is simply a gift of love from Him who loves us. In the hard moments we can ask Him for it and we should choose it, but ultimately it comes from Him.

This gift of joy is closely linked with the gift of our vocation (what God is asking us to do with our lives). My wise roommate really helped me put a lot of these pieces together last night in a great conversation we had. The Lord will indeed ask us to sacrifice in pursuing what He wants for us, and what He wants from us might not line up with what we want at first (there were so many other things I could have done with my summer). But He will never ask us to sacrifice His joy. His joy is a gift He gives us, as His vocation is similarly a gift He gives us out of love. When we say yes to whatever the Lord may be asking us to do, surely His joy will follow. If I hadn't said yes to His call to serve as a Totus Tuus teacher, then I never would have encountered the joy He gave me this past summer.

I don't know what the Lord wants me to do next, but I am sure of one thing. If I say yes to whatever plan the Lord has for me, then His joy - joy that satisfies my longing heart - will surely follow.

Ask the Lord to give you His joy. Ask Him what He wants of you. Do not be afraid, for His yoke is easy and His burden light.

Loving with a Childlike Heart

Sometimes children teach me more about loving and life than anyone else. I just have to share the beauty that I witnessed this afternoon.

I was in the Adoration chapel and in the front row was a family. There was a mom, a dad, and two little girls (probably around 5 and 8 years old). This in itself was precious - a family together in Adoration. As the parents were praying, the little girls were sitting there so peacefully. (After spending the summer taking small children to daily Mass I recognize what a feat it is to get them to sit still in Mass, let alone silent Adoration - these little girls today were awesome). The littler girl was holding a rosary and the older girl was drawing a picture. I looked closer and it turns out what she was drawing was Mama Mary, complete with blue veil and crown! It was absolutely precious. She was really taking her time and adding a lot of detail. Then as she finished, she showed her mom the drawing and asked her if she liked it. And if that wasn't enough, when the family got up to leave, they all bowed down and kissed the floor, and as the littlest girl was getting up she blew Jesus a kiss on her way out! Heart = melted. And naturally these little girls were wearing their cute little Sunday dresses.

But here's the thing. As they left the chapel I teared up a bit and it struck me. These little girls get it. It all comes down to love, and the thing about these little girls was everything about them just spoke of love. You could tell by looking at them that they knew how loved they were. By their parents, by Jesus... and in turn, they simply loved back. It was so little, so simple, but yet so profound.

All too often I think we try to complicate things. We get so caught up in all the details, but ultimately it comes down to one thing: love. Knowing that we are loved and loving in return.

Jesus, thank You for loving us. Teach us how to love with the heart of a child.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

Happy Feast Day of St. Ignatius of Loyola! For those of you who do not know, he was the founder of the Society of Jesus, or the Jesuits! The Jesuit motto, "Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam," or "For the Greater Glory of God" has always been special to me. It's been the signature line of my email for quite a few years now and it's really good to think about.

Earlier today I was picking raspberries out in the yard and I began to think about what it means to really do things for the greater glory of God. I got to thinking about what this practically looks like in our lives, and how even the smallest things can be done for the glory of God... for instance I was picking raspberries. But I had my ipod in and I was listening to praise and worship music while I worked. But then I realized that every berry I picked could be offered up as a small gift to the Lord. Berry by berry I offered God a little gift of love. It was simple, but it was one way of making even my little job of picking raspberries a way of getting closer to God.


Thinking about why we do something can make all the difference. Sometimes (okay more like any time I have to wake up before 9 am) I struggle to wake up in the morning. I am very much a night person and so this is hard for me. But a couple weeks ago as I laid in bed struggling to get the will power to sit up, I realized that even this little act could be offered as a gift to the Lord. I thought to myself, "Jesus, I love You more than how much I want to lay here." Rather than trying to convince myself to not fall back asleep, by offering this little struggle to the Lord He gave me the strength to actually do it. And this can be used in so many other situations, too, by filling in whatever it is you want to offer. "Jesus, I love You more..."


When we allow our lives to become filled with little gifts of love to Jesus, when we do the little things out of love for Him, when we do all things for the greater glory of God... this world will slowly be filled with more and more beauty. Do something beautiful today; however small the act might be, offer Jesus the gift of your love.

You are Beloved.

You are a beloved daughter of God.

Wow. Read that again.

You are a beloved daughter of God.

You may have heard this before, but have you heard this before? What I mean by that is have you allowed this truth to resonate in your heart? Have you allowed your heart to hear this truth from God Himself, allowed Him to tell you that He created you for a purpose, you are cherished, and you are loved?

If you haven't, then give Him a chance. Ask Him to show you His love and He most certainly will.

You are a beloved daughter of God.

Due to my forgetful nature, I have to ask God to show me that He loves me basically every day. Although He shows me over and over, I forget... over and over. But every time I ask Him, "Lord, show me you love me," He always answers. He will answer you as well! But He will answer in a way that makes sense to you, and that's the beautiful part... for example, one particular day last week I asked God this very thing - that He would show me His love - and He answered me in a most unusual way. I was just sitting outside, it was a nice and sunny morning, and I looked over and I saw a praying mantis! This might not be so spectacular to someone else, but I hadn't seen one in at least a couple years! I think they're so neat to look at (maybe my favorite insect if I had to pick one), and it was just a really small but profound way of God showing me that He loved me that morning, by sending a sweet little praying mantis my way.

You are a beloved daughter of God.

You are so loved. It's hard to see it, it's hard to know that we are the beloved daughter of the Father, but we truly are. Little girls understand this so much better than we do sometimes. Something gets lost as we get older. But think about a little girl wearing a twirly dress who is just spinning around wanting everyone to look at her. She knows how beautiful she is and although she may not know it in her head, she knows in her heart how beloved she is. We need to have that same kind of confidence about us. It's time we reclaim that identity, because it is truly ours! God has given it to us. He has made us in His image and likeness.

You are a beloved daughter of God.

Allow the Lord to speak this truth to your heart. Allow Him to tell you, "You are my beloved whom I love, for whom I died. Come to me. Rest in me. I love you." Claim this, and allow your world to be changed.

You are a beloved daughter of God.

Our Hearts Were Created for Love

My favorite chick flick of all time is Leap Year. After a rough day, there is nothing like sitting down, watching the movie, and eating some chocolate. But 27 Dresses, Pride and Prejudice, and Tangled are all up there on the list as well... But I don't think I'm alone in this, because almost every girl has her favorite chick flick. 

Why do we as women enjoy chick flicks and fairy tales so much? 

What is it about these stories of a man and woman falling in love and living happily ever after that we can't get enough of?

I would like to propose that the answer to those questions is actually very simple: our hearts were created for true love. But by true love I don't mean the gushy, superficial love that we see in Hollywood. I'm talking about a fulfilling, I will go so far as to say eternal, love that satisfies the longing each and every heart experiences. When we watch chick flicks, we are left wanting what we see. We long for a similar love story to happen in our own lives. And this is because we are created to love and to be loved. 

The thing is, before we can love and be loved by anyone else, we must first be fulfilled with Christ's love. Ultimately, His love is the only thing that will ever fully satisfy our longing hearts. Men will always fail us because they are human. We will be the happiest when we first allow our hearts to be filled with Christ's love and we find our identity in Him. You are a beloved daughter of the King! We must allow the Lord to gently whisper this truth into our heart: "You are beautiful. You are beloved. You are cherished. You are enough. I love you." It is then that we will be filled. Ask Him to show you how He sees you. You are so beautiful and beloved to Him! 

Women long to be sought after, and we find it very attractive when a man has enough character to fight for us. But what we don't recognize is that 

while we are waiting for the "perfect" man, the truly perfect man has been seeking after us for our whole life! He has a plan and will allow the right man - a man worthy of you - to step in at the right time. But as St. Josemaria Escriva put it so beautifully: "When you approach the tabernacle remember that He has been waiting for you for twenty centuries." The Lord is the perfect gentleman and is seeking after your heart! In other words, He is knocking on the door of your heart, all you need to do is open it! He wants to flood you with His love. He wants to satisfy you with His love. He wants to fill your little heart to the point of overflowing with His love. 

Ask Him to show you. Receive this love, beloved daughter. 

Blog posts coming soon...

To all readers: although it's been about 3 months since my last post, I promise I will be posting soon!! Since my last post, I have returned to the States, spent some time at home, spent the last 8 weeks traveling around the diocese as a Totus Tuus teacher, and I have so much beauty to post about! Coming soon! :) 

Totus Tuus Maria. 

Sainthood is REAL.

my dad and I :)

After Cinque Terre, we met up with the rest of our Austrian program in Rome. This was especially exciting for me, because my parents were able to come out to visit for the week! It was such a blessing to see them! It was a bit of a hectic time in Rome, with packed schedules, so many people, and tons of walking, but there was beauty amidst this Roman chaos. And the most beautiful thing I discovered during the adventure was…. Sainthood is REAL.

early Christian martyrs 

We joked about how it would be difficult to visit Rome if you weren’t a Christian, because there is literally a church on every corner and not only that, but almost every church has a saint buried inside of it. Some I’ve heard of and some I haven’t, but it was so powerful to walk among these witnesses. To name a few, we visited the tombs of St. Cecelia, Blessed John Paul II, St. Maria Goretti, early Christian martyrs, and St. Peter! Visiting these saints, asking for their intercession, walking where they walked, sainthood suddenly became REAL. They were no longer just stories that I heard in my childhood. They were real people who lived real lives, who dealt with real struggles, who died real deaths, but who allowed themselves to be transformed by Christ in a real way to the point of giving their entire lives to Him.

the church of St. Maria Goretti

If so many ordinary people have been able to become saints, then so can I.

the tomb of St. Ceceila

Sainthood doesn’t necessarily mean doing something extraordinary. It just means doing the little things with the love of Christ, which will undoubtedly lead to the extraordinary. We don’t have to change absolutely everything about our lives, but rather allow ourselves to be transformed by Christ. We have so many models to look at! Ask for their intercession, they will help you!

my mom and I in St. Peter's Square :)

As you grow in friendship with the saints, as you learn their stories, as you dive into their lives, it is SO easy to just want to be them. I mean who wouldn’t want to be the next Mother Teresa or St. Therese or St. Francis of Assisi?! But this isn’t what we’re being called to do. During our Rome pilgrimage, my friend and I discovered a song by Danielle Rose that is called, “The Saint That is Just Me.” If you haven’t heard this song yet, click the link below and listen! This is not a suggestion, you must listen! This song really impacted us, particularly as we were visiting so many saints in Rome. Christ did not die so that we can strive to be a saint who has already lived. Each and every one of us are called to be saints, and we have a story that is uniquely ours! We need our saint companions on the journey, but find your story! The world already has a St. Faustina, St. Bernadette, and St. Maximilian Kolbe… it needs a saint YOU! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh_fSNz6NvQ

Cinque Terre = Beauty

Every semester, as part of the Austrian program, Franciscan takes the students on a 10-day pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi. However, this semester, with the resignation of Pope Benedict, we were given three days off of class before the pilgrimage to attend the final papal audience. I personally did not end up going to the audience, but instead spent those days in Cinque Terre, Italy. 

It was quite the adventure. I traveled there with two friends I really didn't know too well at the beginning of the trip. I also didn't know much about Cinque Terre. It was my first experience on an overnight train. But before I knew it, we were off. 

Vernazza, Cinque Terre

There is a lot I could tell you about this trip, but what I would really like to share are the ways I encountered beauty in this place. 

If you are unfamiliar, Cinque Terre is a cluster of five villages on the Italian Riviera. They are extremely picturesque, and you are even able to hike from town to town if you so desire. You not only see the beautiful coastline, but you are also surrounded by gorgeous mountains. I'm convinced that it is one of the most beautiful places on earth. But this beauty came in two main ways.

1. Nature. As I said above, I am convinced this is one of the most beautiful places on earth. With mountains all around, the shimmering blue/green water of the sea as far as the eye can see, red/orange/yellow buildings in the little rugged and friendly villages, the smell of salt water in the air, much warmer temperatures than the tundra that has been Austria this semester, the beauty was overwhelming. Beauty of this magnitude points so clearly and directly to God, the Creator and Master Artist of it all. It amazes me that He would create such natural beauty just for our enjoyment. One of the afternoons we were there, we were able to do a two hour hike between the villages, and my breath was taken away. It was impossible to not praise the Lord in such beauty!

my wonderful travel companions :) 

2. People. As incredible as the natural beauty was, the beauty of those I encountered and came into contact with was so much deeper. I am learning that you can visit anywhere in the world, but what really makes the difference is the connection you make with people. With or without words, my little encounters with people are going to be what I remember most about the trips I have been on. Our last night in Cinque Terre, we ended up having dinner with a family from Missouri that we randomly met on the street. We had been talking with them and so we just decided to eat with them. It was amazing to be able to share stories with and get to know a family I didn’t know before coming and very well may never see again in my life. We met a girl who has lived in Italy her entire life on the train who is studying to be a translator. We helped her practice her English while hearing about her life and she was really an inspiration to us. She knew something like four languages and still wanted to learn more. We went to daily Mass in one of the villages and after Mass one of the women who knew just a little English showed us around the town and talked to us the best she could. Sometimes it is the little encounters that make all the difference.

They do not even come close to doing it justice, but I hope some of the pictures I included help you experience on a small scale the beauty that I was overwhelmed with in this place. I would also like to encourage you to notice the little encounters. In those small moments - the checkout line at the grocery store or the quick hello to those you pass - you can experience true beauty. See the beauty. See Christ. 

our first view of the sea from the train 

a view from our hike

Riomaggiore, Cinque Terre

The Common Journey

Happy Easter!! Or as they say in Italy, Buona Pasqua!

 

In the past month and a half, I have had the opportunity to travel around Italy, including Cinque Terre twice, Siena, Rome twice, Assisi, Florence, Montichiari, Padua, and Venice. I am so grateful for the chance to experience these places!

I have encountered beauty beyond what I could have ever imagined.

The next series of blog posts are going to be a sort of recounting of the ways in which I have encountered beauty in each of these places. I have truly been impacted by what I have experienced and I do wish to share that with you.

What I am coming to understand is that if you do not allow yourself to be changed and impacted by what you experience, if you do not allow your horizon to be expanded, if you do not allow your heart to be opened to encounter the Heart of Christ in even the smallest ways, there is no point to traveling around and seeing new places.

Without this openness to change, what would be the point?

To be able to say that you have so many stamps in your passport book? To be able to post pictures of yourself on facebook at famous landmarks? To be able to say that you’ve been to dozens of countries?

If that’s how I viewed this opportunity to spend a semester studying and traveling around Europe, I would say I have missed the point.

This world is filled with so much beauty. In creation. In people. In the little things. But why is that?

To draw us back to our Creator. God has given us His creation, has created a truly beautiful world with irreplaceable people, to remind us of why we’re here on this earth in the first place.

We’re all on a journey; a journey towards His Heart and a journey towards Heaven.

We must allow the people and places we encounter to change us. We must allow them to draw our hearts back to God. And we must share our experiences with each other. We are not meant to keep encounters with beauty, truth, and goodness to ourselves.

And this, my dear sisters and brothers, is why I wish to share with you my experiences of the past month.